What is the World Coming To?

Tuesday, I sat at a light tearing up because of what I was looking at. I hate driving by corners, light, streets and seeing those who are so very much less fortunate as I am. I am so extremely grateful for the life I have lived in and the opportunities I have at my fingertips. At the light, waiting to turn left there was a young man and his dog. I don't always help people that seem to be "begging" it depends on the feeling I get when I look at them. And I got an overwhelming sad feeling looking at the man and his dog. I felt helpless, and so much empathy for this person. So I just could not help myself but make a U-turn and head straight home. I walked in the house I got a bag of dog food, a tubberware container filled with water and a dog treat all in one bag. I then preceded to see what money I had to help the man as well not only the dog. So I left my house once again and went to the same light and I gave it to this man, the gratitude in his eyes just made me melt. I knew this person needed this and he was truly grateful and I believe he did the right thing with the money I have gave him. And to think he might have been thinking a prayer was answered but I knew that it was my prayer answered, I had my heart opened and I felt grateful for my life, and what I have. So I then turned and I was making another U-turn to head home because I really do not know why I was even there to begin with to start this, but as I was turning back I saw the man give his dog the treat and the excitement the dog had just brought tears to my eyes. I do not know why but I was so touched by all of this. It was something that I needed, and I thank him and his dog for that.

I feel so much sadness to those who are out there. I just wish I could help so many people. I feel like everyday I see more and more people out there struggling to even stay alive. This world we are living is our own fault. I can not believe the greed and selfishness that our world is surrounded by. I don't know if it really is bad as I feel it is or maybe I am just growing up and I no longer see only the pretty flowers.

I just wish there was a way to change it.

Things Running Through My Head...

It is a very rare thing for me to say I am proud of myself, but with that said I feel very proud of myself. I feel like I am getting things under control, I'm growing up and realizing what is in store(anything I want!). I just feel very blessed with the people in my life and the many opportunities I have. I am happy I am in school to become a Pharmacy Technician, will I do that forever? Who knows, but it is what I want to do now. I know school is always there. When you leave this world you don't take posessions or money you take your knowledge, wisdom, and love and I want to die rich with that. I want to live a life learning new things all the time!

I want to be a positive person, I don't want negative aspects in my life. I am happy and if something is in the way of that I will remove it from my life. I want to be the best person I can be, and I want to give to those who aren't as fortunate as I am, I want to live a life helping. Lately' I have been thinking about doing some kind of volunteer work, like something I put together and I do to help a certain cause. But what should I do? Should I even do it?

I can't wait to move out and start a life with Jon, I mean we already started our life together but I can't wait for the future. I am very blessed to have such a loving, sweet, encouraging man in my life. He treats me like a princess I feel so spoiled most days. I love him, and I am grateful for our relationship and even everything we went through because it has brought us closer and stronger. He means the world to me, I feel as though he has completed my life.


I am just very blessed and very thankful. I do long for change though, but I know the change that is needed will happen in due time. :)

Changes :)

Today is September 22, 2010 and if I may so a lot has changed in the last year although some has stayed the same. My health has become a struggle again and as much as I hate this and going through this I know I am stronger from it and I know when it is all done with I will find peace with the situation. I am thankful for my family, friends, and boyfriend who has been by my side through this. So i started school finally, a year off and now I'm getting into the swing of things. This may be shocker I am seriously thinking about moving to Arizona. Have you heard the saying home is where the heart is, well my heart is in Arizona with Jon and I don't want to be away from him. I love my life in California but at the same time I wouldn't mind starting over, I mean of course I want to stay friends with my friends now but everyone wants the chance to start over where no one knows them, I am yearning for that. I also really want to grow up and start being an "adult." I want to go to into the Pharmacy Tech program not only because I want to get into a career I actually think I might enjoy it. I want to do something now to get me on my feet and probably go back to school to study something else. I have a job now at an animal rescue which I like for the most days lots of cleaning. I have applied for another, but I think I need to start looking into Arizona if I plan to move there I need a solid plan.
I am thankful for the life I am creating for myself, each day it unfolds a little more and each day I am one step closer to a dream. I want my life to be full of goals and dreams that come true each step of the way. I can't just sit on the sidelines and I hope for things to happen I have to get out there on the field and play the game till I hit a homerun one or twice :). This is my life and I am taking control of it a little more each day.

My life has changed dramatically, and I am not sure it is as many think. A lot of my thoughts, and opinions have changed. I don't know why or how but they have. Things I thought so strongly on is no longer as important to me, or things that weren't as important are so much more important. though often I feel like how could i grow so much in a year with no school or work, I feel as though I have grown so much. I feel like such a different person. I am not sure what I want to write in this entry, I just feel like writing so I might end up rambling on about who knows what.

So things I have kinda changed, I mean certain realities you don't expect to face you do. I realized life can change so fast, with one mistake or not a mistake everything can change within a second or day, or a few days or a month but however long it is, it can change so much. But I also have learned those one or few people in your life that is always there can change so much. There are things you feel so broken about but those people in your life can prove to you it is okay what's thrown in your life because they are always there for you, and though life may seem hard, or changing before your eyes your reminded you are not alone, that there is always someone out there that will be there and help you. I'm not sure where I am trying to get at except I know i am not alone even at the times when I feel I am facing my trials alone but I am not.

So one another note, I need to figure out my priorities in life. I know what I want to become, but I won't get there unless I set goals for myself and guidelines for my life. I need to figure out what I think is the most important things to concentrate for the time. I know I will not get anywhere I want to go unless I get on it and do it. I can't just talk about it, I have to do it. I just feel very unaccomplished and that feeling eats me inside everyday and I hate it! I don't want to face myself knowing I have done nothing to better myself in this world. I know I can be someone great but I will never get there doing nothing. So I guess what I am trying to say and I need to find motivation in myself and fix what is going on.

Well I guess this will be the end of this blog. I hope I keep this up. I like writing and I think I need to do it more.

Happiness

Jon + Jen

I have found the love of my life! i am a very lucky and happy girl! he treats me like a princess I don't think I could ask for anything else! Thank you so much Jon you are my hero, my soul mate, my best friend, my everything! I love you!

2/10/09

So I posted something yesterday but I feel like doing it again maybe i'll become a blogger ha! well anyways I have been thinking today about what direction I want to take in my life and I have many ideas and I'm ready for some new things, I want to go a different way than I have thought I would. maybe consider different jobs, different places to live. I want to be with my baby, and I honestly feel a future with him, and because of that a lot has changed. I want to live in Arizona. I am thinking about going to pharmacy tech school and do that for a job or career and if it comes to be that I don't like it at least I'll have a job when I'm going to school for something else. I want new goals but yet the same. But I do have a huge one which is to be with Jon, because he is the one and if he is than I need to be with him. I love him with all my heart, and I am lucky enough to have found him now. Well we'll see where my life takes me.

My mom just had to make it clear how I'm still unhealthy and all that, which I know but at the same time it makes me sad because I just want to be okay and me all the way again. But i guess each step is closer to be healthy with no more problems. Its weird sometimes you think once you get out of the hospital you are totally fine like you have nothing to worry about but oh how that is wrong! grrr...well I guess I need to be happy how much better I am doing!

What's New

Well I realized I haven't wrote anything in a long while and even though it sometimes seems like life is all the same it isn't it has changed. School will hopefully start the 16th if I can figure everything out and I'm still jobless but I'm getting a lot more serious about it because I need money for some of my new goals.
I have had some medical issues with my heart, that has scared me and my family. Though I often act like its not a big deal, it is. I never realized how extreme pain can be or how horrible one can feel. I am just so blessed to have so many loving people around me, wishing for me to get better and praying for me. I could not be more grateful for everyone in my life. I was lucky enough to have my dad, grandma, and little sister to come down to see me, though under not the best circumstances I am very happy I was able to see them, because I did miss them greatly. And everyday I hope to be getting better but each day comes with different challenges but that's okay because I'm a very lucky person.
I have a boyfriend now of five months, we've had some ups and downs already but we feel something too strong for words and we are willing to fight for what we have. I have become very close to him and trust him so much. He makes me very happy, and makes me want to be a better person and I think that is so important because he is not trying to change who I am but he believes in me which makes me want to do so much more with my life. He is an amazing motivation. I love him very much.
Everything seems to be changing, my goals, friends, life, and even family. Though I still am who I want to be I know what i want in this life is changing and for the better. I am ready to grow up. I know I have been fighting it since I realized how much growing up I was doing but now I'm getting ready to face this world and I hope I can handle it. Friends are changing by getting closer to some and distancing from others. Though I wish I could be close to all sometimes it doesn't always work that way. I am becoming closer to my family, and starting to realize all they do for me. I can honestly say my mom is my best friend. I can turn to her with anything she makes me very happy. She has been an amazing support especially the last couple of weeks and she continues to amaze me.
Well basically this is life, I'm not all put together yet, but I am trying to finally put myself together and get somewhere in this world.