Who Am I?

The Jenifer I was once knew was willing, excited, open-minded, unafraid and ready for just about anything thrown at her. Though I believe I still have many of these or not all I feel so weird and different...I mean seriously who am I? Where is the Jenifer I knew, everyone says they know who I am and blah blah blah and yeah maybe they do but isn't it more important for me to know and me be comfortable with me??? I just feel that slowly I'm loosing myself, though at the same time and I'm becoming me and being me....I am so confused but I just feel lost.

I have no idea if anything of this made sense...but I just really wanna find myself stick to that and be happy.

I look at the life I'm creating now and I love it, yet I look at what I use to have and miss it and wish I could have some of it back...I wish I could have the best of both worlds...but I'm not Hannah Montana I just gotta find my happiness where I'm at now...and make the changes to be the most happy!

Just Living!!!

This is summer to remember! With ups and downs, but they ups take over the downs! I have been living something great, recreating who I am but keeping me as well! I have done so much and still not stopping! Each day and night as memorable as the last...with very few dull moments! Though I have lost a lot it seems, I'm gaining so much more! I have found myself in ways I didn't know exsisted! I am happy with myself, I'm learning that everything has a reason and a lesson but its up to you if you can figure out the lesson!

I kinda feel I haven't done good enough, I'm probably not starting school in the fall and though I wish I was, I'm kinda happy I'm not I feel it might be a good things but I guess we'll see! I keep second guessing what I want to be so maybe this will be good! But I won't be able to waste any time after this short break because I need school!

My life is changing with every step that I take and though some may see it as I'm losing myself I feel as though I'm finding myself. I lost myself awhile ago and now I'm finding the person I became but was too scared to show it. I can't walk two step behind anyone anymore! I was living my life by what others said and wanted from me not what I wanted. I like being me and I like doing what I am doing! Its crazy to think you can see yourself change and develop and I can but thats ok with me :)

I am so happy right now! I just wish for a few changes But I can't really complain!

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn't mean possession and company doesn't mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child. And you learn to build your roads today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn."

the truth :(

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me...trusting people is overrated..all you do is get hurt over and over..i should have known

Nothing even matters anymore cuz i always let this happen because I let people take advantage of me! i let them treat me like crap! i cant ever say what i should..but im finally realizing what im worth so its no worries!
i really am getting this through my think skull...
i keep hoping it'll stop or keep hoping something will be different but no matter who it is or what it is...i know what im worth..and i know all i deserve is the same crap im getting...

AHH!!! i hate life sometimes..i am so worried about my friend she is going through a rough break up and i honestly dont know what to do to help! she is hurting so bad and to see her hurt makes me hurt! i wish i could take all her pain and she would be ok! then i feel like all the rest of my friends also need me and i just cant split myself in so many directions helping so many people! im sorry but i just dont know what to do anymore! im trying to be a good friend but i feel so overwhelmed!!!


then i talk to the person i loved and still probably do but if anything i still care for him without a doubt and he said some very sweet things last night...we actually talked and it was such a good conversation! i cant even beleive the things he said which was so sweet! it meant a lot like things that i will always remember


why is life so confusing! i wish no one had to hurt and no one had to go through certain things! man i wish i could workl miracles! i just dont know what to do with myself!

im not ready to be an adult so much lies in front of me! and i want freedom yet i dont but i want to learn things and experience things but i feel like i cant at the same time even though my mom said that i will i just feel held back from so much!